evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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