i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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