when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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