I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
