in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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