seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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