The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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