can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize