Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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