I cannot find my penis.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
