I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize