im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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