i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
