Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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