I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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