Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
