I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
