i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
