I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
