had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
