So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
