Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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