YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
