my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
