Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
