Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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