Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
