i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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