She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
