bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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