I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
