He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
