Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
