I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
