I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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