Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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