ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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