mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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