If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
