At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
a search helicopter?!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
