I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
