We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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