Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
