Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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