I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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