Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
