careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize