I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
