he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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