And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
