i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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