Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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