I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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