my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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