My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
