hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
