He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
