Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
