just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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