Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
