I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
