I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
