your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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