he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
