just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
