i would punch a child for taco bell
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
