I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
