Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize