If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
