she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
