I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
