Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i love accidental penises.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
