I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
