You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
